Cheese, Assets, and Secrets

Time. I'm re-reading "The Hobbit" right now, and there's a scene between Gollum and Bilbo where they are testing each other with riddles, and the answer to one of the darker and more twisted riddles is "time". This is one of those concepts that I constantly ponder and do a great deal of mental gymnastics with because I find it so fascinating. Of all of the different constructs of "time", the one that I find to be the most interesting is the saying "Timing is Everything".

In a word, yup.

"Timing" and "waiting" are two words that we often find go together. Mostly because we are waiting for something, and the passage of time is the only thing that is going to bring it closer. I'm just going to say it, "waiting" and "timing is everything" are two of the biggest pieces of bullshit ever handed to the human race. Whenever I have thought to myself "timing is everything", or "good things come to those who wait"; that's really a nicer way of saying "you can't have it right now". So, why put on the band-aid? Rip that thing off and see the situation for what it is...not necessarily in my (or anyone's) favor right now! And is that really bad?

Nope. Depending on how we look at it. Here's why: Cheese, Assets, and Secrets.

I keep meaning to read the book "Who Moved My Cheese?", but I think that my friend Kat explained the premise well enough to me that I can make it applicable here. Basically, there are 2 types of people, those that wait for the "cheese" to come to them or be brought to them by someone else, AND there are those who go and find their own "cheese". This blows the entire concept of "waiting" out of the water, in my opinion. If you aren't happy with your weight, for instance (as I never am!), go change it. Put the donut down, and go join a gym, get a trainer (I know a good one), and go get that cheese! Stop wishing for something to come your wait, go get it. If you're not happy with your relationship, or lack thereof, there has to be something that can be done to rekindle the spark or just find half an hour to spend together. For us single ladies (now put your hands up!) and men, staying home wishing for Mr. or Ms. Right to come along isn't really the way to do it. Go get your cheese. And it may be bad cheese, who hasn't had a date from hell or had a rough time getting started on a diet-- but I think the point is that the best way to help achieve your goals is to be proactive in them. Don't paint yourself as a victim, and be the hero or heroine in your own story. Don't think of life as happening "to" you. And being me, I am imagining myself as the sparkly, kick ass heroine in my own life.

When I was in college my dad picked up this book called "The Way We See Things". It's pretty new-agey, but a good read. It is entirely about something called Asset Thinking. We are hardwired to see the world in terms of loss. "I'm not athletic" "I have a big nose" "I need to make more money"...rather depressing. This book is all about re-training the way we look at the world and our lives, and try to think positively. So, "I have a big nose", should turn into "I have really nice eyes". Or, "I don't have the money for a vacation to Hawaii" should turn into "I just paid off my student loan or credit card!" It's all about thinking about things in terms of what we have rather than what we lack. It's hardddd. I've been consciously trying to do this, and it is pretty difficult after 26 years of doing the opposite! Here are some of my thoughts that I've been retraining:

Old: I am accumulating so much debt in student loans.

New: I'm pursuing my educational and professional dreams.

Old: I really hate that muffin-top.

New: This is the body God gave me, and I'm going to love it!

Old: I am single. Crap.

New: I'm single, financially independent, young, pretty, and have amazing friends and family! Parttttttyyyyy!!! :-)

After my engagement ended in May 2007, my dad made me read and watch the documentary "The Secret". As is the case with any book of that genre, you can't take everything as gospel, and have to take your own meaning from it. What I really got from it had to do with worrying and feeling bad: no one can make you feel badly except for yourself. So, if for instance, there's a conflict with someone, we can walk away and reflect on our actions, but to feel badly or upset is our choice. We choose to be happy or sad, have a good or bad day. And I think, that is the Secret. We can create our own feelings. We can hold onto things or let them go. So we can be upset when something, anything, ends. Or we can be happy that it happened, and only keep the good memories and lessons learned.

Those are my three biggest worries, and instead of worrying, I'm really trying to retrain and make them into positives. I've been in a financial, physical, and emotional relationship with myself for 26 years. And never once have I wanted to "break up" with myself or say "I really hate the person I've become". And I'd say that's pretty damn good. Sure, highs and lows happen, but when it comes down to it, we are first and foremost in a relationship with ourselves, and we can create our own time-table and we don't have to wait around for anything.