That being said, I'm feeling the angry, self-righteous power-girl kind of country right now. "Red High Heels", "Picture to Burn", "You Lie", and others are running through my head right now because of the horrific breach(es) of post-break-up etiquette my ex-boyfriend continues to demonstrate. I think that there are certain rules to a break up that some people just doesn't get. Let's review:
1. We broke up, we are not friends.
One of my favorite movies, "Cocktail", sums up break-ups in a line "All things end badly or else they wouldn't end." Exactly. I don't care how "mutual" a break up appears to be, there was someone who initiated it and someone who was just hurt and surprised. SO, when you break up with me in a parking lot because our exchange needs to be "audio and video recorded", don't you dare try to dance with me a birthday party. We are not friends. I don't like you. My friends don't like you. My family doesn't like you. Just go away.
The entire concept of attempting to be friends with an ex is just lunacy. Why do we try to hold onto these people and keep them in our lives? The only thing that I can come up with is that we are all inherently "people pleasers" and don't want to be seen as the "bad one" or an "ass" or a "bitch". Personally, I don't consider any of my exes my friends. I am on friendly terms with two of them, and that is mostly because so much time has gone by where the hurt feelings are a thing of the past, and we no longer see each other as "options". But as far as being friends, that's a real stretch. I don't call them to go out, I don't confide in them, I don't plan vacations with them...etc. I think that we confuse being polite and civil in social situations as being "friends". I'll always be polite and civil in public, but that doesn't mean for one second that I am to be confused as being a friend.
When a break up happens, the two people involved wanted out of each other's lives for one reason or another, so WHY do we sometimes want back in through the "friendship" door? Sorry, but the rule is, that door is locked.
2. "Ex" and "Booty Call" are NOT synonymous.
I've thankfully never had this happen to me, but I know men and women who are broken up using one another for hook-ups. I get it, we have needs, wants, etc. And an ex is familiar and comforting in many ways. But again....the person that you want to get your whooppeee on with was someone that either hurt you really badly or someone that you couldn't stand to be with in a relationship anymore! WHYYYY are you sleeping with them?! That's not going to get them back, it's not going to make it any easier to get over them (no matter which side of the break up you were on), and it's going to make a difficult situation even more difficult. Just let them go. If you didn't want to be in a relationship with one another, with the good and the bad, you don't get to have the a la carte of just the benefits.
3. Don't date my friends.
Yeah, it's the greatest revenge sometimes, but seriously? We aren't in high school anymore. And I'm not talking about the acquaintances that were invited to parties and larger get-togethers, those men/women are perfectly fine because they were on the periphery. Don't try to date or hook-up with the core group of friends. That's just so wrong. There really isn't a whole lot to say here...just don't do it. If you want revenge, lose some weight or get a great haircut. Or pull the Kate Middleton and look fantastic while having a great time without your ex.
4. "Custody" of certain friends is NOT shared.
In this case, the origin of the friendship needs to be examined in order to determine custody. Here is an example to illustrate my point: Billy becomes friends with Steve and Tammy through dating Liz. Tammy and Steve were good friends of Liz's before Billy came into the picture. Liz and Billy break up. Custody of Steve and Tammy goes to Liz. UNLESS there are extreme circumstances in which Liz was the one who was in the wrong in the course of the break up. Follow? This includes Facebook. Don't "friend" them on Facebook, and make an effort with my friends AFTER we break up. Especially when no effort was made during the relationship.
If two people who are both part of a group of mutual friends start dating and break up, custody is shared and is determined by the friends themselves. You'll unfortunately have to see one another in public, if you both choose to remain in the group. It'll be awkward, and one of you will most likely end up pulling away at least a little bit.
5. You have no say over my life, and no right to any opinions about it.
In Season 2 of "Grey's Anatomy", Meredith went through this really wild phase after Derek left her for Addison and he had the nerve to call her a whore. Her response was the most amazing thing ever: "You don't get to call me a whore and you don't get to judge how I fix what you broke." Awesome. If I'm going to be friends with someone on Facebook, or I'm going to date someone; you don't get to have an opinion that you share with me. You are no longer in a position to make any judgements on my life. You can certainly have your opinion, but in the course of a break-up the right to voice it was forfeit. Once again, go away.
I totally understand the motivation for country music the older that I get. It's about real life, and that includes "stupid old pick-up trucks you never let me drive", "putting a barbed-wired fence around my heart just to keep you out", and making great memories "just fishin' ".
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