Tommy's Glasses

I've been playing around lately with the idea of sight. I was re-reading my journal the earlier this week, and in September, I wrote about my brother getting glasses and commenting on how different he seemed, and how I thought that "sight" for him had come in not just the literal, but several other, forms. The idea of "sight" really focused my thoughts this week, and has left me thinking about the many different ways we can see things, or in most cases, the way that we choose to see them. I also put my musings in terms of the holidays and the winding down of another year, and that also helped to provide me with an interesting lense.

Okay, take sight in the most literal sense. Our eyes are the windows to our world, and I am fascinated by the details that each of us see and how I can be looking at the same thing as anyone else, and come to different conclusions or have an entirely new detail pointed out to me. My eyesight is very poor, and without my glasses or contacts, I need the aid of my memory to help me navigate through my surroundings. The two most recent memories that I have of not especially having my sight were when I went face-first into the edge of a door at Nick's that I swear, came out of nowhere. The other was when I came out of my room one morning and squinted at Kirstin, who was coming out of the bathroom and I said "Kir, that's a really nice dress", I felt so proud of myself for being able to pick out that she was wearing a dress! Until she said "Nic...this is my robe..." Awww man. Sometimes when I'm analyzing the minutae of my life, I think about what my life would have been like if I'd been born well before contacts or it was acceptable for young women to wear "spectacles". Everytime I get a new prescription, I make sure that I look at a tree because I can see every leaf, I swear, and they look even more beautiful because I can actually see them.

How we choose to view the world and interpret all of its happenings is also one of my versions of "sight". I had this really fantastic conversation with my mom on Black Friday, where she was telling me how I choose to see the world is directly related to the outcome of my life. And she was referring to me being down in the dumps over several things, the least of which being a stressful month at work, and how if I view everything as awful and negative, then everything will seem awful and negative, and I'll somehow draw negative energy to me. But, if I take things in stride, and try to find the good, then I'll be drawing more positive energy and my experiences will at least seem more positive. We got into more personal things, and it really helped me to turn my view around and not be so hard on myself and the people closest to me. I have chosen to see everything more positively this week, and voila! Life has been on a definite upswing, and even the people around me seem to be responding differently. The holidays seem a little more cheerful, people nicer, and my butt smaller.

I took a lot in last night when I went to dinner with a few of my girlfriends. It's amazing me to me how we only see the flaws in ourselves. My friends are beautiful, beautiful women, and yet we were all so easily able to pick our our flaws and insecurities. And we didn't see any of those flaws in each other. Funny, isn't it, how we are our own worst/best frenemy? A scene from the ill-fated show "Roswell" comes to mind when Liz and Max touched hands for the first time, she said "I actually saw myself how Max sees me, and I look perfect and beautiful...he sees none of the imperfections that I always see in myself". Our personal sight is the thing that is flawed, and I think that we (a collective 'we') need to see ourselves a little less harshly and just be happy for the 'flaws', because, really, that's what keeps us humble. But, celebrate them too... I wrote this poem in 7th grade called "This is Me; I Am"... Who are you? I have a three hour train ride today, I'm really going to make my list.

I'm totally embracing the holidays this year, and I'm seeing how much I love my family because I miss being around them this time of year. I miss seeing my mom dancing around the kitchen to WSUS and baking and talking to Frankie...with the intermittent "Frankie! NO!" I miss hearing my brother describe his hunting and plowing exploits. I miss my dad talking about the craziness of the store. And I really miss teaching, especially this time of year. My classroom would be decorated, and I'd be playing Christmas music from Pandora, and my students totally loving it as we planned our Christmas parties. My sight has been adjusted and appreciating the little things and details that I didn't see before, but I see in my mind's eye in stark, nostalgic clarity. But now I'm seeing my own traditions coming into focus, and spending a new holiday season with wonderful friends, and the time with my family being that much more special. It really is the most wonderful time of the year, if you want to take the time to look.

Merry Christmas, early! And yes, my cards are written.